Funny Cop Stories
The Violin Is A Dead Giveaway
[su_heading]Story by Retired NYPD officer Scott Baker[/su_heading]
[su_dropcap style=”light” size=”5″]O[/su_dropcap]ne day, my partner Nicky and I responded to a call on Church Street in New York City. When we arrived, a woman was leaning out of a fifth-story window yelling “Up here! Up here!” We ran up the stairs of the old five-story walk-up and saw that the old wooden door had been knocked in and was hanging by a single hinge. We went inside and met with a heavy-set, 30ish Latin lady who had been yelling from the window. She was clearly upset and sporting a fresh shiner. The following is a breakdown of our conversation, which in and of itself tells the story.
NYPD What happened?
Lady My boyfriend beat me up and then ran up the fire escape.
We radioed in to “central command” to confirm that we were at the correct location, explained that a woman had been assaulted and they should stand by for a description of the suspect.
NYPD What did your boyfriend look like?
Lady He’s short, very short.
NYPD How short approximately?
Lady Well, he’s less than 4 feet – 3 feet, 10 inches.
I looked at my partner and could tell he was asking himself the same question. How could someone that small kick in such a heavy door?
NYPD How was he able to kick in the door?
Lady He’s a karate expert.
Somehow Nicky was able to speak into his microphone and said: “Central, be advised that the suspect is 3 feet, 10 inches tall and was last seen fleeing up the fire escape of this building.”
At this point, other officers started making inquiries on the radio. One officer asked, “Well, is he a midget or a dwarf?” “What’s the difference?” I asked. “Why does it matter?” Nicky added.
Another officer chimed in: “A midget has a head proportionate to his body, while a dwarf has a small body and a large head.”
NYPD Is he a midget or a dwarf?
Lady He’s a midget
We informed central command that the suspect was a midget and they should stand by for further information.
NYPD Ma’am, what was he wearing?”
Lady Well, he was wearing a tuxedo and carrying a violin case. He was going to propose to me.
We advised command that the suspect was 3 feet, 10 inches tall, wearing a tuxedo and carrying a violin case. At this point, we left the apartment and proceeded up the fire-escape towards the roof to search for the suspect. When we arrived and started looking around, we heard a rookie officer ask over the radio, “Central, what does the suspect actually look like – what color hair does he have?” Nicky had a strange look in his eyes. He grabbed the radio and said, “Stop anyone carrying a violin case!” ASJ
Editor’s note: Scott Baker is a former police officer for the NYPD and the author of A Warmer Shade of Blue – Stories about good things cops do. Visit his webiste at awarmershadeofblue.com
. or somecomedy.com
Posted in Law Enforcement Tagged with: Boys in blue, Comedy, Cops, Funny, laugh, Law Enforcement, stories, The Beat
FUNNY COP STORIES
Stop Sticks Gone Wrong
[su_heading]Story by retired St. Lucie County Detective Scott Young[/su_heading]
[su_dropcap style=”light” size=”5″]W[/su_dropcap]orking as a deputy sheriff in south Florida during the late 1990s, my agency had just been issued stop-sticks. These sticks were about 3 feet long and had large spikes protruding all the way around. They were meant to be used as a stop-gap measure when a suspect was fleeing in a vehicle.
If an officer could get into position, the sticks were to be thrown in front of the tires as the car passed by. The weight of the car would bear down on the spikes, deflating the tires and ideally ending the chase safely. If I said everyone was eager to deploy them, that would be an understatement.
Stinger stop sticks are similar to large hypodermic needles (hollow on the inside) which allows the tire to quickly deflate.
While working a series of burglaries in the most southern portion of our county, I heard dispatch state over the radio that the special investigations unit (SIU) was in pursuit of suspects who had fled during a drug raid. Although I was some distance away, there was a possibility the suspects would flee in my direction, so I kept my ears open. A short time later, dispatch advised that SIU was still in pursuit and heading my way. I responded to let them know my location and that I had stop-sticks. As the information unfolded over the radio and I listened intently, my excitement increased when the suspects chose an escape route with only one possible avenue: right past my location. I repositioned my marked patrol car to a more hidden location and stood near the roadside and waited.
I watched other traffic pass my location and soon heard the loud siren of the pursuing patrol car and the roar of the suspect’s engine as they neared. I saw a dark van careening around the corner with the marked patrol car right on its tail. I waited for the vehicle to get close, then threw the stop-sticks just before they passed. The sticks hit their mark, and not only the front tires, but the back as well. Excited, I ran to my patrol car, got in and advised dispatch that I hit the suspect’s vehicle. I activated my lights and siren and headed south. As the road wound to the right I saw the pursuing patrol car parked behind the suspect’s van, which was tilted rigidly to the right and on the side of the road. That is when I observed several individuals dressed in black with the letters DEA on their backs. “OMG!!” I had stop-sticked the DEA van.
Dispatch had communicated the description of the suspect’s vehicle on the SIU channel, but not my main channel. I stopped my patrol car about 100 feet way and turned off my lights and siren. To say they were upset would, again, be an understatement. They all were yelling something and with arms flailing wildly while motioning for me to come closer. I shook my head left and right to say no way! At that moment my sergeant’s voice came through over the radio and asked, “Well, did you get ’em?” Oh, I got them. My only reply was, “Sarge, I think you need to get down here right away.”
Several years later, as a task force officer assigned to the DEA, the driver of the van that day was assigned as my training officer. He trusted me with his life, but not the stop-sticks. ASJ
Posted in Law Enforcement Tagged with: Beat story, Comedy, Cops, Funny, Funny Cop Stories, Hilarious, humor, Police
[su_heading size=”27″ margin=”0″]First Female SWAT Cop In Salt Lake City Area[/su_heading]
Story by Troy Taysom • Photographs by Nisha Henderson
[su_dropcap style=”light”]A[/su_dropcap] mariner sailing in uncharted waters runs the risk of hitting a reef, running aground, or becoming lost and suffering an immense hardship. The mariner takes these risks because the reward of discovery and achievement far surpass the hardship required to be the trailblazer. Being a trailblazer and navigating uncharted waters is what officer Nisha Henderson lives for. Henderson is the very first female member of the Utah County, Utah, Metro SWAT Team and is blazing a trail not only for herself, but for other female officers.
Reared in the shadow of the Beehive State’s Wasatch Mountains, Henderson grew up shooting, hunting and spending time in the outdoors with her parents and siblings. Henderson loved girlie things, but always had an affinity for guns and shooting. She was given her first gun, a Browning .243 bolt-action rifle, by her father when she was just 10 years old. From that day forward Henderson has loved shooting, hunting, hiking, camping and fishing in the canyons of Provo, Utah.
In the 1980s, Provo experienced devastating floods. These disastrous times had a lasting impact on Henderson, who as a young girl saw the police in action helping citizens deal with the overflowing banks of the Provo River. These acts of service inspired her to pursue a career in law enforcement. After high school, she earned a bachelor’s degree of science in sociology from the University of Utah, and upon graduation, worked with juvenile offenders before moving to Killeen, Texas, with her-then husband, a soldier in the US Army. While in Texas, Henderson met a recruiting sergeant from the Killeen PD at a career fair who strongly encouraged Henderson to apply and test for a patrol position. She did and was hired.
Working her patrol beat provided experiences that would drastically alter the way Henderson saw the world. She was assigned one of the more dangerous beats in the city and learned firsthand what drugs, alcohol and bad choices can do to people’s lives. She spent much of her time dealing with prostitutes, drug dealers, drug users and the homeless. This required her to be a quick study when it came to enforcing the law.
Her time in Killeen allowed her to meet people who needed her help. She told me of an old couple who would go for a walk in the wee hours of the morning. Nothing she said would keep them from this tradition, so she made sure they would inform her if their schedule ever changed. While patrolling, she always made sure to check on them.
Her patrol time was not without sad moments. Henderson was dispatched to an address where she recognized the complainant as the girlfriend of one of her fellow officers. The woman was too distraught to speak; she simply pointed at the garage. Inside, Henderson found the body of a coworker who had committed suicide days earlier. Scenes like these leave an indelible memory.
The inside of Henderson’s patrol car sports Hello Kitty floor mats and flower-shaped air-freshener vent clips. She also rocks pink handcuffs. On the gear shifter, she carries hair scrunchies and her perfectly manicured nails and makeup added to her already very feminine appearance. Maintaining her femininity means a lot to her.
Not all her experiences were so personally traumatic. She told me about an active-duty soldier who picked up a prostitute right in front of Henderson. She performed a traffic stop and informed the soldier that the female prostitute was really a male prostitute, and that it was best if the soldier never came back.
After going through a divorce, Henderson was looking for a way to return to Utah with her growing boys. With nothing in Killeen holding her back she began searching for a job in Utah County. An opening with the Provo PD provided her with the perfect opportunity. She worked her final shift in Killeen on a Thursday and reported for duty in Provo the following Monday.
The Provo PD has proven to be a great fit for Henderson, and she is excelling as a senior patrol officer, but when she started, she was only the third female officer in a department of 107.
I spent a Friday night riding with Henderson and she is not like any other police officer I have ever met. When she exited her patrol car to greet me, I was struck by her presence. Henderson exuded confidence, but not cockiness. I immediately felt at ease with her and never thought that she was pretending to be someone that she wasn’t.
Henderson takes pride in knowing the people on her beat and treats everyone with respect. She’s solved several cases thanks to her ability to appeal to either the suspect or victim on a personal level.
Once in Provo, Henderson set her sights on becoming a member of their SWAT team which is comprised of officers from Provo PD, Orem PD, Brigham Young University PD and Utah Valley University PD. The two universities have a combined enrollment of close to 80,000 students. Wanting to be a member of the team and actually becoming one are two very different things, especially since the team had never had a female before. In order for this to happen Henderson would have to be as good as the male officers, and maybe even a little bit better. “I began preparing for the team as soon as I was hired on. I intended to try out in the spring of 2013, but was injured in January of that year, so I couldn’t do it,” she said. “My recovery took five months, but as soon as my doctor gave me the OK, I began training rigorously. Ten months before tryouts, I started exercising at least twice a day and sometimes three. I would run in the morning, do Crossfit in the afternoon and would dedicate three days a week to weight training,” she continued. “I spent many hours not only on the range, but also working on speed reloading and dry firing at home during pizza and movie nights with
If you don’t know what Crossfit is, I can only explain it as some medieval form of torture that has been resurrected and used to get people into extremely good physical condition. I can also tell you that Henderson, who stands an athletic 6 feet tall, is in as good if not better shape than officers 10 years her junior. She runs a 9:08-minute mile and a half, can do 50 push-ups in a minute, deadlift 295 pounds and bench press her bodyweight. No, I didn’t ask her how much that was; I didn’t want to get my butt kicked. How many 12-year-old boys can tell their friends that their mom practices speed reloads and dry fires her Glock while watching movies? I’m sorry, but that is just straight-up cool and bad to the bone.
Nisha Henderson is able to be sympathetic without being emotional, empathetic while remaining professional and human while still enforcing the law and making unpopular decisions when required.
When it came time for SWAT tryouts, Henderson was prepared. She had prepared physically and attended SWAT monthly training sessions to get familiar with what she would be doing. More importantly, she prepared mentally. While the training is physically demanding, the majority of candidates wash out because they aren’t mentally tough enough to endure the physical pain, criticism and sleep deprivation. Mental toughness is taking that next step when your body says, “I can’t do it.”
SWAT training was brutal. On the second day the team was performing spider-man drops. This consists of a team member on top of a shipping container and another below to help the team member coming down. The member on top lays flat and then hangs off of the box with one leg dangling and the other still on top. When the member is ready, he or she swings the last leg off and drops. The team member below is supposed to catch the other officer. The teammate on the ground got blood in his eye as Henderson dropped. She fell to the ground, landing on her M4, and suffered multiple micro fractures to her right arm. The doctor told her that her training and tryout was over. She said no and made him print up a waiver. She finished the course shooting left-handed, her weak hand – and made the team.
Henderson is the first person to tell you that her team rallied around her; otherwise, she would not have made it. They had to help draw her handgun and reholster it, but in the real world this is exactly what would happen if a team member was injured during an operation. You do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission.
Henderson made it and is now assigned to the entry team. As part of her kit she uses a Glock 17 Gen 4 as her sidearm and an M4 with a 10-inch barrel as her primary weapon.
It would appear that all of Henderson’s time is taken up between SWAT and being a patrol officer, but she has found time to become certified as an instructor in a women’s self-defense program called Rape Aggression Defense (RAD) that helps empower women to fight against would-be attackers as well. She is also a mother of twin sons, whom she helps with their newfound love of the Boy Scouts. The night that I rode along with her, our shift ended at 7 a.m., the same time that a “merit badge pow wow” started for her sons. She left the station, changed out her uniform, and spent the day teaching the law merit badge course.
Provo PD’s new chief, John King, told me, “In addition to being a member of our SWAT team, Officer Henderson has distinguished herself by her work as a patrol officer. She takes pride in knowing the people on her beat and treats everyone with respect. She has solved several cases because of her ability to appeal to either the suspect or victim on a personal level. She is obviously one of the most physically fit individuals on the department and makes excellent use of combining her physical strengthen, her femininity and her professional skills to proudly represent our department. As she advances in her career, she’ll undoubtedly set more firsts for women here, and those selections will be based on the merits of her work.”
Henderson is a trailblazer, and not just because she is a female, although that is part of it. She represents what we want all of our police officers to be. She is concerned about the people who she refers to as “her” citizens. She is able to be sympathetic without being emotional, empathetic while remaining professional and human while still enforcing the law and making unpopular decisions when required. ASJ
Nisha Henderson, who stands an athletic 6 feet tall, is in as good if not better shape than officers 10 years her junior. She runs a 9:08-minute mile and a half, can do 50 push-ups in a minute, deadlift 295 pounds and bench press her bodyweight. (No, we didn’t ask.)
Posted in Law Enforcement Tagged with: Chief John King, Cops, Female SWAT Cops, Nisha Henderson, Provo Police Department, Utah, Women and guns