Warfare has plagued our history of death and destruction. Civilizations had to adapt to the war mongering way of life. These culture bored many warriors who’ve had to be bad asses in order for their tribe to survive.
Whether they’re leading an army to victory or going down in defeat even some may have strayed off course of the righteous way – one thing in common is that they all had that fighting spirit.
Here are some of the most fearless warriors (badasses) from our history: (not the complete list)
If you’re a Wolverine fan, you’re gonna like Galvarino, he is the the Chilean version of Wolverine.
He had a hatred towards the spaniards and would love to fill their guts with knife wounds, just as Wolverine did to his opponents. Galvarino did the same, at least what the folk tales say.
So the story is that he was captured by Spaniards, they ordered his hands cut off so he could be an example to his people. After Galvarino endured the torture without a word, he was sent back to his people.
This is where history gets fuzzy; it’s rumored that he then strapped knives to the stumps, and started knife punching fools in the throat like it was a job.
However, despite this being approximately the most awesome thing in the history of humankind, that fact is incredibly hard to find in any official document related to his story.
Still though, this was a guy who manned through having both of his hands chopped off and, when asked what he wanted to do about it, answered “tear them apart with my teeth.”
- Xiahou Dun
Xiahou Dun was not only a badass, but may have been a psycho of the highest degree.
This military general, who offered his services to warlord Cao Cao in the late Eastern Han Dynasty, became a legend during a battle in the late 190s, he was hit by a stray arrow and lost his left eye.
In front of his amazed soldiers and his enemies alike, he pulled out the arrow and swallowed his own eyeball.
No one had ever seen anything like this ever before, and, fairly enough, Dun was thereafter considered to be the ultimate badass of China.
Following this incident, enemy armies were afflicted with fear of “Blind Xiahou, The One-Eyed Warrior.”
- Count Roland
When we think of warriors we don’t normally think of french men making the cut. Count Roland is the unarguable response to all the nonsense about French men not being courageous or capable fighters.
The man was literally unstoppable. He was the best of the best among the Twelve Peers of Charlemagne.
As we already know, Charlemagne was one of the greatest generals of all time, and he hand picked the very best to surround him.
That reputation alone made Roland a badass, but it doesn’t compare to his deeds in the Battle of Roncevaux Pass.
His heroism and incredible warrior skills during the fighting in the Pyrenees in August of 778 made Roland an ultimate legend.
Like a second King Leonidas, Roland fought against thousands, having by his side at one point only 300 of his men.
Even though Roland and every single one of his Frankish warriors were finally killed, defeated by the Basques, his last stand was so incredibly heroic that it was celebrated in the 11th century by one of the earliest surviving works of French literature, the epic poem The Song of Roland.
During the Roman empire Germania was a hard part of land to conquer, it is because of Arminius.
Arminius was the very definition of a badass. Also known as Hermann, Arminius was a German tribal chief of Cherusci who gave the Romans the beating of their lives.
The Roman Empire was still at its peak when Arminius brutally smashed the Roman army at the Battle of Teutoburg Forest, where he literally destroyed three Roman legions and their auxiliaries.
Even though Arminius was eventually defeated (he was murdered by rival Germanic chiefs), his victory was so impressive and so bloody, that it had an incredibly long-term effect on both the ancient Germanic tribes and on the Roman Empire.
The Roman Legions would never again attempt to permanently conquer and hold Germania beyond the Rhine River.
- Lu Bu
Lu Bu was the “invincible warrior” from the Three Kingdoms period of Ancient China, and one of the most feared and powerful warriors in the history of the world.
Renowned and infamous throughout all of China, the mere mention of his name was enough to send chills down the spine of even the most veteran warriors.
Lu Bu was by all accounts a massive man, possessing immense strength, mastery of archery and horsemanship and incomparable hand-to-hand fighting prowess.Lu Bu was adopted into a noble family where he proved his worth on the battlefield, but once the powerful warlord Dong Zhou offered him Red Hare, the fastest horse in all of China, Lu Bu flipped out, chopped off his adopted fathers head and began calling Dong Zhou papa.
Paradise didn’t last for long, because when you’re a maniacal killer who chops his families heads off for horses, trouble seems to follow you. Lu Bu began sleeping with Dong Zhou’s most favorite and loved mistress, Diao Chan. Apparently, sleeping with a woman he loved was one of Dong Zhou’s bug-a-boos, and he presumably freaked out on Lu Bu. Sadly, like all men who attempt to yell at a treacherous killer, Dong Zhou ended up getting his head cut off.
Lu Bu then fled into the countryside with his own personal army, and began killing pretty much anyone who shot him a look.
Despite having a name that was decided by throwing scrabble letters to a sticky surface, Tlahucole didn’t need people to be able pronounce it.
He only needed them to understand the concept of pure, unbridled rage. Hailing from the equally-unpronounceable Tlaxcalan tribe, Tlahuicole was a warrior of legendary stature.
And I mean that quite literally; the guy was so huge it’s rumored that other, lesser men couldn’t even lift the weapons he used in battle.Though it’s not clear how it happened, Tlahuicole somehow ended up living with an Aztec tribe, and realized that he could no longer go home, since he’d fraternized with the enemy. He asked the Aztec king for a warrior’s death, which he got and then some.
Tlahuicole was ordered to stand on a giant stone platform while 8 of the Aztec’s finest Eagle Warriors attempted to kill him. Tlahuicole effortlessly slaughtered them all, and injured an 20 additional men before he was killed.
His heart was immediately cut from his body where, according to legend that we just made up, it exploded like a grenade.
A decent ending for a badass.
- Yue Fei
During his 20-year career kicking the crap out of anything and everything in central China, soldier and 12th-century badass Yue Fei personally fought in 126 battles, never lost a single engagement.
He rose through the ranks from Private to Overall Commander of Imperial Forces. Invented a half-dozen styles of boxing and martial arts. Wrote a bunch of flamingly-epic poetry about how he was going to drink the blood of his slain enemies with a twist of lemon and then chase it with a shot of Jager.
Nowadays he is revered as a national hero of China, a paragon of patriotic loyalty, and the ultimate symbol of honor, duty, and face-obliterating medieval barbarian-quelling vengeance.
There you have it, there are many others that we haven’t mentioned. Who’s your badass ancient warrior?
Sources: Wikipedia, History, The Chive
Posted in History Tagged with: Ancient Warriors, Bad Ass